12 Tips to Coping with Grief over Christmas
It’s that time of year again and while many prepare for the Christmas festivities to come, the winter season brings new challenges for some. For those working through grief this Christmas, here are 12 tips to help.
1. Plan Ahead
The festive season is often a busy and stressful time and grief by itself can be exhausting. Put together and it’s easy to see why Christmas can feel overwhelming for some. Planning ahead can be a useful tool for keeping things in place and creating small islands of predictability while the rest of the world rushes about. These plans need not necessarily be fixed, a light plan around what feels significant can be a good starting place. A simple sketch of where you might be, who you might meet, and what feels doable can lay paving stones that are easier to follow later.
It might also help to plan for exceptions, especially around things like friendly gatherings. Sharing your plans with someone you trust so they can accompany you or offer a timely exit if needed. Even a simple agreement—“If I’m overwhelmed, we’ll step outside”—can help to bring reassurance.
It’s important to remember that plans should be kind, not rigid. They’re a tool to help you through the day rather than a contract with the future so don’t be afraid to let go of the bits that aren’t helpful.
2. Take a Break from TV and Social Media
Screen-time today is like second nature for most and while the TV and phone can provide an entertaining escape, films and social media often present a curated picture of the world that can nudge towards unhelpful comparisons for someone experiencing the emotions of grief. Seasonal programming can ambush you with idealized families, surprise reunions, and neat happy endings. Those stories can feel out of step with real grief so give yourself permission to switch off. This isn’t avoidance, it’s boundary setting.
This may create some time to try something different like going for a walk, listening to peaceful music, cooking a treat or trying meditation. You don’t need to be adventurous but a little time away from the advertising and algorithms is always healthy.
3. Journaling
For those who are feeling a bit more adventurous, journaling can be a great tool for helping to process stressful times. It’s not about the writing, instead it’s an opportunity to reflect on our thoughts and feelings, expressing them in a different way to usual. Ever had that feeling when you said something that sounded better in your head than when it came out aloud? It’s a bit like that. Sometimes committing our thoughts to paper can offer a different perspective, enlightening a new path forwards.
Journaling can also create a helpful resource to look back on. This might sound a bit odd – looking back on a journal about grief but it can help to be reminded of the challenges you’ve overcome. Along the way, you may discover a personal coping strategy or two that got you through the moment. Keeping a note of these can be invaluable in troubling times and journaling can make them more easily accessible, flicking over pages rather than trying to do similar with memories.
4. Try Mindfulness or Meditation
Mindfulness is the practice of noticing what is present—breath, sensation, sound—without judgment. It doesn’t erase pain; it offers a wider frame so pain doesn’t fill the whole picture. Even three minutes can help. Sit, place a hand on your chest, and count ten breaths. When the mind wanders, bring it back gently, the way you’d guide a child by the hand. Attention is a candle you can relight.
Evidence supports mindfulness-based approaches for reducing stress and improving emotional regulation. If meditation feels too still, try mindful walking: step outside, feel your feet, name five things you can see. The aim is simply to exist for a moment in the ‘here’ and ‘now’, rather than the ‘there’ and ‘then’.
5. Giving and Volunteering
In times of grief, the world can shrink to the size of your sorrow. Acts of kindness and giving can open a window to let in some air. This needn’t be overly exerting, delivering a card to a neighbour, donating to a local cause, baking for a friend and other small acts of kindness can go a long way.
If you’re able to volunteer there are lots of opportunities to help your local community. Volunteering is a great way of finding your feet again, meeting new people and gaining a sense of fulfilment. Giving isn’t a cure-all but it can sometimes be the start of a conversation with meaning. Click here to learn more about volunteering with Primrose Hospice.
6. Following Traditions or Finding Something New
Traditions hold stories of our past and help to remind of who we are, but in times of grief, they can also be painful. They can comfort like a familiar sweater—or pinch. You’re allowed to adjust the fit. Christmas is full of traditions, both cultural and often personal. This presents an opportunity to keep what is cherished, let go of what hurts and potentially create something new. Whether it’s a favourite jingle, a candle in the window, or a dusk stroll in the snow, traditions can help to create a grounding fixture.
7. Boundaries
They say that boundaries are the bedrock of any healthy relationship and they’re not wrong, but boundaries can help us manage troubling times too. However, it’s important to know the difference between rules and boundaries. Rules tell other people what to do (“You must visit,” “Don’t talk about…”), and they invite pushback. Boundaries state what you will do to care for yourself (“I won’t attend big gatherings this year,” “If the conversation turns to memories, I may step outside”). Rules try to control others; boundaries guide your own choices. Over Christmas, you can’t control how others behave, but you can decide what you’ll accept and when to draw your lines.
8. Alcohol
Festive seasons often bring full glasses. For the grieving, alcohol can feel like a pause button—but it’s a tricky one.
Consider a self-agreement: if you drink, do so slowly, with food, and within a set limit; if you prefer to abstain, consider non-alcoholic options you genuinely enjoy. Alcohol can intensify low mood and impair sleep, both important in grief recovery.
9. Keep Things Flexible
Flexibility is compassion in action. Give yourself permission to leave early or arrive late. You might RSVP with maybes, or agree to arrive for dessert rather than the whole day. Build ‘escape hatches’ into plans: a walk after lunch, a quiet room with a book, tell loved ones you may step out for air. Flexibility buffers you from the pressure of performance. Psychologists note that adaptive coping often looks like this—gentle adjustment as energy and emotion shift. If you wake on Christmas morning and need a different plan, you are not failing; you are listening.
10. Reconnect with Nature
Nature can often be steadying. Winter holds both rest and quiet life below the frost. A short walk, even in cold air, can lift the mood. Getting out can also help to regulate stress and improve sleep patterns through daylight exposure and topping up vitamin D. Try to notice small things—the breath of your exhale, the feel of bark, the sound of birds. Let the world be bigger than the room.
If outdoors isn’t possible, bring nature in: pine branches, a plant, a stone from a favourite place. Touch can ground when thoughts whirl. The point isn’t miles walked; it’s contact with something steady.
11. Look after Yourself
Self-care during grief is not indulgence; it’s maintenance of the vessel carrying you. Aim for basics:
– Eat simple, regular meals.
– Keep a sleep-wake rhythm where you can.
– Move gently most days.
– Take prescribed medications as directed.
Body and mind interweave; caring for one supports the other. If your appetite is low, sip soups or smoothies. If sleep is elusive, try wind-down rituals: dim lights, warm bath, reading a book. Evidence-based therapies, including grief-focused CBT, can help when coping falters. Ask your GP or hospice team about local support.
12. Everyone is Different
There is no correct speed, shape, or soundtrack to grief. Identical twins can miss the same parent in utterly different ways. One may want company; the other, quiet. Try not to rank grief, compare timelines, or judge coping styles. Comparison is a thief of compassion and compassion makes space for variety.
If you are a family, expect diversity. Children may play between tears; teens might seek friends; elders might sit in silence. Make room for difference without judgment. Agreement on a few shared moments—five minutes for memories, a walk, a simple meal—can hold you together without forcing sameness.
Extra Tip – Acupuncture Point: Lu7 ‘Broken Sequence’
Cara, one of the Complementary Therapists at Primrose, offered us this quick tip from acupressure. If you are feeling the weight of loss, applying gentle pressure to this point can help ease that “tight chest” feeling, creating more emotional breathing room. It supports the lung’s natural ability to let go and breathe more fully.
It lies just above the wrist on the thumb side: find the wrist crease, slide a finger toward the elbow about two finger-widths, in the groove between tendons. Apply gentle circular pressure for one to two minutes while breathing slowly. Check out the video for a demonstration.
If you have medical concerns or a recent wrist injury, seek professional advice before trying.
Learn about our Christmas opening hours here.
From everyone at Primrose Hospice, we wish you a peaceful Christmas and warm New Year.
